It’s been difficult picking up a book. Even more difficult, trying to read it, and not put it down. It’s been difficult trying to watch a movie, and cruise through it, till the end. It’s been difficult, going places, experiencing them as I would have, at other times.

Everything is overwhelming. Choking. But I guess I have to get my nerves together. I felt that one thing, which bowled me over, which knocked me off. I cannot let it go, it’s like my precious diamond. I cannot let it go, it’s like the reason for my being, which I never knew existed. It’s unreal, but it’s become a part of me. I do not know what is going to happen. I am clueless like a monkey, like a baby, like a teenager, like an old woman. Not like a traveler anymore. 

But I have so many books to read, so many movies to watch, so many places to go to. I have so many books to read all over again, so many movies to cry and laugh about, once again, so many places to go to once again, and feel nostalgic. I might take my last breath the way I don’t fancy it. I may not get what I need, and what I want. I may fall in love again, who knows? I may never be able to feel this feeling, for anyone else. But I would like to read all those books on my shelf, watch those movies on my list, and visit all those mysterious places. I may not be able to share them the way I want to, or to add to the list, but I would like to pay my respect to the authors, the makers and actors, the people, who have felt it like I did, who had the courage to etch it, share it, who felt more than I did, in different ways, and who got me there. Who were lucky like me, and unlucky like me. I can try, at least.

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