It’s funny. Weird things are funny. Say for example, what and how people think about weeping, getting angry, showing jealousy, and emoting such emotions.
People think that a person needs to emote, show what they feel, to let things out, to be classified as humanely warm. Which is absolutely fine. But they think, if someone cannot be seen emoting, they are cold-hearted. Which is again okay. What beats me is that, people love to see you cry, to see you angry, to see you getting jealous. It is almost like it gives them some kind of sadistic pleasure. It makes them feel smug. Many instances.
Some days ago, I was having my breakfast in my room, and saw my friend amble by. I called her to join me, and we started having seemingly deep conversations in the middle of the breakfast for no fucking good reason. Forget about the conversation. She said things like
– you should share stuff about you. My reply – If I would feel the need to share with YOU, I will. I do not currently.
– I share things with you. Why can’t you? My reply – There is nothing to share with you really.
– Why are you so cold-hearted? Bitch. My reply – I am not. Go leave me and my breakfast alone. Get out of my room.
She does not take me seriously because she probably thinks that I am not capable of anger, and keeps eating. It is partly my fault, because I tend to laugh when angry.
Second example, is that of my own mom. She is a highly sensitive woman with dams behind her eyes. She cries easily, for the silliest things. I hate to see her cry, and always lighten her mood whenever I can. I also make her understand about why not to cry for futile things in life. You know, with the passing years, your parents become your children 🙂 But then she finds it disturbing that I do not cry. She started fighting with me because I do not cry! I was in utter disbelief, and told her that the next time I feel like crying in front of her, I will go to the toilet and cry, and never cry in front of her.
And then I have some friends who have been glad to see some tears in my eyes, at some point in time. They go so far as to remind me, with a smug smile on their faces. It is sickening.
Anyway, the point is, seeing someone cry does not mean the person is profoundly sad. Seeing someone not cry does not mean the person is devoid of emotions. It’s just how they choose to display their emotions, and when. I would cry in front of a hundred people, if at the moment I feel like crying. Just because a couple of friends are sitting and discussing relationships randomly, which leads them to cry and lend shoulders, does not mean I would do the same. I do not feel a thing worth crying about then, and I choose not to cry. As for anger, I hardly ever get angry. But when I do, I can show it in the most brutal ways. And sometimes I may just laugh when I am angry, which is lame. Some people don’t get jealous because they are not insecure. They build relationships on the foundations of extreme trust, and there is no need to be jealous. If someone leaves, there is no need to be jealous. There are people who just get highly disappointed, but never get jealous. I have no clue why most find it unacceptable. Not that I care. Some of my friends think I float on a narcissistic cloud because I do not fuck around in parties, like they do. I am not judgmental when they do things unlike me, and they should not be too. I want to slap some definitions, like that of demisexual, on their faces. But all I do is, avoid parties unless it is with some really special friends, for special reasons. Some people just do not want to trivialize their emotions, by emoting them forcefully, when there is no need to. Also, they do not want to make an activity like crying so grandiose, that seeing someone cry can only be the acceptable way of categorizing them as humane and warm.
Here are my emoticons to convey my feelings, as I am too lazy to emote them myself