I had nice Afghani food today. I eat even after I am full only when the food is good, and the Food was Good.White wine and Turkish coffee make my brain wonder what it has to feel now, and still, it feels at peace. I also recognized two paintings in the restaurant: Afghan girl, the younger version, painted, and of the brutal Afhgani sport, Buzkashi, leading to reminding myself and narrating to my friends the very beautiful story – The Kite Runner. A story that has been written extremely beautifully, and justifiably translated into a movie. And now I can give away what I had typed earlier in the day, because I feel good. Here goes:
No. I do not hate people. I do not hate meeting them. It’s something else.
When I see them, I see through them. I have known and experienced enough in life, to be able to do that. To read through the intentions of people. I do not know everything, I do not claim to. I know there are genuine people. And when I come across such rarity, I become a curious child – I want to know, I want to learn, I want to imbibe, I want to be. I just do not have the time for the other kind.
Everyone alive has needs, wants. And you will come across people who assert these needs in different ways. I have no time for the sorts who wear a smile, and treat people like a resource. I have no time for the kind who lie, to themselves, and to the world. I like solitude, and I like company of genuine people. They can be assholes, freaks, selfish, annoying, brutal, sweet, giving, but they have to be genuine about what they are. I am very aware of my perfect imperfections, and imperfect perfections. I harbour no illusions about what I am, and what I am not. At least I believe so. Which is the same thing as knowing, as far as it goes. So there has got to be no bullshitting about such things.
I have not seen everything, no one has. But I have been there, and done that. People mostly show you what they are not, so that you love them, give them what they want. And when you show them what you are, they cannot really love you for what you are, they try changing you to fit their needs, their wants. Then there are people who show you what they are. They are easy to spot. They are awesome, however they are. Then there is this sneak category. They show you what they are not, so that you hate them. These ones, they wear masks that go unnoticed by the most trained of the eyes. I have met just one such in my life (and recognized), and the consequences do not have any words for their description.
Why should all these things make a difference? They should. Everyone is the same person they are born as, they choose to be. People around you, they are a big part of your life. You change your behaviours with time, with the people you meet, though you do not change as a person. Why?
I have learned that everything beautiful has the capacity to hurt. One chooses what kind of hurt they want, and thereby, the kind of beauty they want to be attracted to. Superficial beauty causes superficial pain, unwanted pain. It’s the other kind of beauty, that has an immense capacity to hurt you, to help you realize what is needed, to help you realize what should be missed. These people are who make life worthwhile for you, with their touch, with their care. They take things from you, not to satisfy their hungry materialistic and shallow needs, but because they love taking things from you that you have to give to them. You take things from these people, without the conscience or guilt, of having to return. These are the people who love you, and so they let you go. Because you are theirs; distance, time, and other boundaries do not matter to them. They love you beyond anything. And they have that trust, that faith in your love. The kind of trust that needs no promises, no spoken words.
I have worn my masks. I have fooled myself into believing that I was in a fairy land, when I was being a bitch, and I have performed acts that seemingly looked wrong, but were the purest moments of my life.
Why be so serious, you ask? Well, life is short. You do not know what tomorrow holds for you, and your people. I want all the light moments for us. Everyday, life opens small boxes of boundless mirth. And so, I do not have time for crap. I am elsewhere, loving whom I can, when I am.