I am

This is how I feel every moment of every day. But this is especially how I feel upon rising, after I have drowned. I feel like a luminous star in a dark sky without a moon, without any other stars around me. I feel like a narcissistic star that shines without a purpose. I feel like this. I feel like that. I feel like me.

I am all that you see. I am all that you cannot see.

I am all that I speak without fear. I am all the silence that you hear.

I do not pity. Nor do I seek a shoulder.

I will not do you any favour. I will take nothing from you.

If you give me something, I will not return it to you. I may give you back in ways that you do not expect.

My acts of shame are more shameful than yours, and I embrace them. These are the acts that have turned greys into black and white for me.

I do not play hard to get, I have no ego. I do not flirt, it does not excite me.

Keep your words and hugs and kisses to yourself. I do not need them, because I can see through you.

I can either love. Or I cannot.

If you can see my love in its face, I can cross any mountain, swim any river for you.

If you do not trust it, I will walk away without a word, farthest from you.

I set no conditions. Because I expect things that you have not heard of.

My body seeks no pure carnal pleasure. It is a part of my mind, my heart. It seeks either true human warmth, or an ice glacier.

I am afraid of no one. I fear only one cold surgeon. That’s me.

I have no pride. I have no shame. This is only how I know to be.

I am naught. I am aum.

 

 

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