Secret Beauty

She pulled up her veil. Her face was small with beautiful large kohl-filled eyes; warm and brown eyes that looked like heated honey, eyebrows that needed no plucking, a sculpted standing nose, very slightly rouged high cheek bones and thin shapely lips with a subtle artificial red colour to it. All these features were embedded in that small face. The only visible but luminous face against the dark burqa. She took out a hand mirror from inside her cheap cheetah-print bag and started observing her face keenly. She caught the brown strands of hair carelessly flying in the air and beating against her face and put them behind her ears very neatly. Then she touched her cheeks simply with her bare finger tips and checked if her slight make-up was still alright. She put back the mirror inside her cheap bag and sat still for a few minutes. Without pulling down her burqa. As if letting the other women in her compartment gaze at her beauty. And savouring it herself. Then suddenly she pulled back her veil on her face so that only her large kohl-filled eyes could be seen. That spoke of the secrets of the beauty hidden inside the warm honey-filled eyes, if anyone cared to listen.

Love Definitions

What is love but eyes that in eyes dip
What is love but an attraction of fillip
What is love but a breezy friendship
What is love but expensive dating
What is love but outrageous flirting
What is love but forwarding SMSes and emailing
What is love but being together to explore
What is love but knowing some more

What is love but shying yet eyes staring brazenly
What is love but sharing things very silly
What is love but kissing on mouth oh so sweetly
What is love but lunch in togetherness
What is love but electrifying touches
What is love but but phone calls and sweet nothings in SMSes
What is love but being together to drive into frenzy
What is love but knowing some more and being crazy

What is love but unblinking eyes so lustful
What is love but a longing so hopeful
What is love but bodies together, a sight so loudful
What is love but cherries and grapes
What is love but finding theaters and gardens and escapes
What is love but naughty talks and wild mindscapes
What is love but being together almost every time
What is love but knowing every part of your lover’s body but none of their mind

What is love but eyes that from eyes wean
What is love but an addiction that now habitual has been
What is love but sex gotten boring and a routine
What is love but dinners together weekly
What is love but bland touches, accidentally
What is love but replying so coldly
What is love but saying – Time, that I’m trying to find
What is love but knowing a little more and rage trying to be kind

What is love but each eye with a transparent tear
What is love but in heart, an unexplained fear
What is love but bodies two blind and unclear
What is love but skipped meals
What is love but hurtful pulls & heart that peals
What is love but sorrowful appeals
What is love but hard time together
What is love but knowing some more and hating to bother

What is love but dry eyes that wander
What is love but a beautiful stranger
What is love but a sympathetic shoulder
What is love but finding solace
What is love but healing wounds and bruises
What is love but making new empty promises
What is love but a cold pain
What is love but knowing nothing and falling in the mis-defined love again and again and again

Dr. Siri and Blah – part 4

Blah (quite irritatingly): We are very much together, and in love. It has been 9 years. What makes you think we broke up, doc?

Dr. Siri: I am so sorry! I assumed too much. My bad. I should have asked – what went wrong between you two?

Blah: Now what makes you think that something went wrong between me and my girl?

Dr. Siri: I am sorry, I am so so sorry! (Dr. Siri is more exasperated than sorry).

Blah: Don’t be sorry so many times. It’s okay.

Dr. Siri (very cautiously): Why don’t you two share stuff like you did before?

Blah: I don’t know really.

Dr. Siri has reached a level of annoyance and exasperation that is slightly higher than a robot could get at. A robot can actually never be annoyed, but Dr. Siri is.

Dr. Siri: Hmm.. Tell me more about your equation with the people around you.

Blah: With friends, it’s cool. No qualms. My mom, dad, and my girl don’t know me much, I feel. I don’t know if it’s their loss, or mine.

Dr. Siri: Carry on please. 

Blah: I think they think I don’t care. I do. More than they can imagine. I love them more than they can imagine. In my own ways. Is it their loss, that they don’t get my ways of loving them? Or is it my loss, that the only people whose actions can kind of affect me, are the ones who don’t know and will probably never know about my deepest feelings and my deepest feelings for them? Or is it anyone’s loss at all?

Dr. Siri: Have you asked them this, or talked to them about this?

Blah: Dr. Siri, I don’t even want these questions answered. I am fine not explaining myself to anyone. Even to the few people who matter. It’s all lost love, if I have to explain.

Dr. Siri: Have you ever thought that they love you too? A lot? And that could be the reason why your behaviour disappoints them?

Blah: I have. I have. I have thought through everything. And I would like to stay put. I am fine.

Dr. Siri is drained by now. Completely.

Dr. Siri: Blah, I will need a short break to recharge myself. Do you mind that?

Blah: Oh no, not at all. I am hungry too.

Blah puts Dr. Siri on charge. She thanks Blah. Blah steps out for some sandwiches and a cup of strong hot coffee.

Dr. Siri and Blah – part 3

Dr. Siri: Ace! So tell me, what’s one of those days like, Blah?

Blah: What ‘one of those days’?

Dr. Siri (very impatiently, but in a calm tone): How do you feel?

Blah: I feel alright. Why?

Dr. Siri: I don’t think you feel alright. (Her voice raises a bit.) You told me you are not sure how you feel because it is ‘one of those days’ you are going through!

Blah: Ah! I see. I am sorry about the confusion, Dr. Siri. Yeah, I don’t know how I feel (nodding his head sideways).

Dr. Siri: Sooo..What’s one of those days! (Dr. Siri really hopes and wishes that this is the last time she has to ask this question. She had not hoped or wished for anything so strongly ever before.)

Blah: It’s the time when I think. Think a lot. If I look at a mirror, I see myself staring blankly at myself. When it’s not one of those days and I look at a mirror, I don’t stare at myself blankly.

Silence…

Dr. Siri: What do you think about?

Blah: Hmmm…I am full of thoughts, but there’s a void inside. An absence of someone. An absence of some sort of warmth. But it doesn’t make me sad. It sure doesn’t make me happy. It’s good enough to keep me content. I don’t feel like filling that void with anything. I am happy for it to be there, for it to be existing always. I acknowledge its presence on very few occasions, and I understand I like it.

Dr. Siri (gravely): Go on, Blah..

Blah: I feel less love for anyone. Not that I hate them. But I become indifferent. I feel not warm, not cold, not even dead, but callous. I am not sad or dejected. But neutral. I feel detached. I am alone, and I like it that way. And I don’t feel like I need to tell this to anyone. There is not one person who comes to my mind when I think – is there anyone I can tell this to? When I figure out that the answer is a ‘no’ I don’t feel bad. In fact, I don’t feel like there should be anyone. What would you call this, doc?

Dr. Siri:  When did you discover that you could feel like this?

Blah: Goes back a long time. I never really talked much. I mean, I opine a lot, I have great friends, I chat, etc. But, I don’t share. Quite some time ago, in fact, when I was in my teens, I found out that no one cares after one point. I don’t too. After one point, whatever you say to anyone is pure blab. Every human is innately selfish and rightly so. So am I. And so, it’s pointless telling everything. It’s useless, waste of time.

Dr. Siri: What makes you think so?

Blah: I tell someone not because I am looking for a solution, an advice, or for them to be able to judge me better. I tell a friend just because I would sometimes like to know that there’s someone who simply knows. Nothing more, nothing less. But if there’s going to be unsolicited advice, judging, leaking, ignoring, etc. I am happy to just be.

Dr. Siri:  But they care!

Blah: Not after a point.

Dr. Siri: Have you shared with anyone else that friends? (Dr. Siri is careful in choosing her words).

Blah: Yeah, my girlfriend. We used to share everything. Our thoughts and feelings. It was lovely.

Dr. Siri: I am sorry. When did you break up, if I may ask?

Blah (quite irritatingly): We are very much together, and in love. It has been 9 years. What makes you think we broke up, doc?